I am so tired right now, but I refuse to go to bed early on a Friday night. Even knowing that I work tomorrow morning and I'm not doing anything more exciting than laying on the sofa on my pjs.
I am working a lot, but that's not the only reason why I'm so exhausted. I'm the kind of person who believes in energy (good and bad) and right now my energy is being consumed intensively by someone I've fallen in love with.
My love doesn't have a name because she was never registered. I call her Juju because that's similar to what everyone calls her at the hospital: RN de Jucileia (RN is the abbreviation for new born in Portuguese). Juju is a 5 month baby girl who was abandoned by her prostitute/drug addicted mother at the hospital. She is a 27th week premature who had all the complications that this gestational age could give. She never left the hospital since her birth. Despite of that Juju is the cutest baby in the world and I'm so in love with her that I sigh just thinking of her.
Juju has being my patient for two weeks now but I don't treat her as a patient anymore. Every day during rounds I describe Juju's exam to my attendant, but I'm just lying, I don't examine her anymore because she's perfectly healthy and is just waiting to be sent to an institution. My time with Juju is dedicated to other things than to listen to her heart beat. I get her in my arms, take her to the hospital balcony, show her the blue sky, the noisy street, make her feel the cool wind on her face. I sing to her. I had never used my cell camera before and now the memory is full of pictures of her. Juju was such a serious baby, cried all the time, with reason. Now she has the most beautiful smile. She smiles all the time and she hates when I have to leave to see my other patients. I hate it too.
I don't have the time or money to adopt Juju so it kills me this feeling of weakness, of being unable to give what this baby deserves. Her discharge from the hospital depends only on my decision but I already ran out of excuses for keeping her in the hospital. I don't want to send her away to this horrible world where I don't know if someone will sing to her.
I'm visiting the institution this weekend to see what they offer and what can I do to help. We already started a campaign among the medical students to find a family willing to adopt her. Until then I wish she could stay.
It's horrible when the injustice and misery you see on tv comes knocking on your door. It's much easier not to care.
Talking about things that are making me sad... It hurt today going into the Burrow after so long and realizing that Boe wasn't there anymore. I miss her so much. I went to Istanbul last month and thought of her at the Spice bazaar when I was buying ten different types of tea.

I´m on hollidays. Yes, I know how weird that sounds since I just came back from summer break two months ago. But, in my defense I didn´t choose this anticipated break. The "system" chose it for me. We´re 16 interns and each month one or two are selected to have their month holidays and April was my month. I wasn´t very happy with this since I don´t feel tired enough to need a break and I can imagine how tired I´ll be by November when there will be no vacation on sight. But NOW that I´m enjoying my free time I´m loving it and really don´t care anymore how I´ll feel on the future. Carpe diem! 

So here are my plans for the month with no order of importance:
-renew my driver´s license
-Gyn appointment
-study
-get a sun tan (if it stops raining)
-read some non-medical books
-work out/ play tennis
-go to the movies at least twice a week
-rent lots of movies
-watch lots of movies on cable
-go "dad´s-paying" shopping
-catch up with Immy and lj
-write a letter to a friend I´ve been longing to
-take a patchwork course
-take some crochet lessons with my grandma
-go out with some old friends
-chat
-became a women again (hair cut, manicure, wax, etc)

I think there are some other things I forgot to list but so far this is it. I was also hoping to go to the beach with Rodrigo, but he hurt his knee two weeks ago playing soccer (moron) so that was cut off. My mom promised me an "urban trip" instead, so we might go to Sao Paulo for the weekend.

I have some news to tell but I´ll guess I´ll post them along the month. I´ll have time :-)

I finally found some time away from everything else (everything else meaning the hospital) to spend in front of my computer. I know today is Friday, but Rodrigo is on call tonight so I’m taking this opportunity to catch up with everything. I’ve already uploaded my holidays’ pics, spent some good time at Immy and just finished reading about 80 posts from my flist. Lj wouldn’t let me finish my update because it stopped showing the “previous 20” button - should I go to archive or memories to read older posts??? I’m happy everyone is well and I loved reading everyone’s news. After all this time I should have some of my own to give you…

I started at the hospital on Feb 1^st, but I didn’t work during carnival – instead I’ll be on call during the entire holly week. I’m now at the infectious disease ward and I can’t describe how much I’m enjoying it. Even though we have some really sick kids there, everything seems to work – which is a miracle considering that I work in a public hospital.
The ward is kind of empty right now because we’re out of “chicken pox season”, but there’s still a lot to do. I’ve been busy with a one-year-old boy who’s been really, really sick for the last four weeks and I’m so involved with his story that I even cried this morning because of him. But it was a good cry, don’t worry. I’ve been in charge of him for the last two weeks but on these last days, when I was starting to loose my faith on his chances of beating his disease, he proved me wrong and started to recover last night. I was so happy so almost everyone saw me crying. My attendant came to me and explained how we can never loose our hope on a child as they can always surprise us when it comes to recovery. Now we’re already talking about discharging my little boy!!! 

My carnival was relaxing. We went to Rodrigo’s parents on the countryside and it rained all the time. I ate, I slept, I read and that was all.

About the wedding plans… hmmm… No good news, there are. I’ve been telling my friends lately that until Feb 1^st I believed I would adjust residency to my life, but since then I realized actually I’ll have to adjust my life to this residency. My initial plan for a open wedding on June was murdered by the fact that I won’t have my holidays next year during this time. Did I actually think I would be able to CHOOSE my holiday period???? Stupid intern! The other perhaps is that I won’t have time to plan a wedding working 70 hours a week AND living 1000km away from where it’s suppose to be hold. So all I’ll be able to do right now is have some patience and see how long Rodrigo will wait for me… 

Now some fun news: I won a HP contest! And a national one, trés chic! Actually I didn’t win, I took 4^th place but I still got prizes: a HP DVD box, a t-shirt, a bag and some bookmarks. The first prize was a trip to England to visit the HBP movie set. But why would I want that anyway? Sirius won’t be on that movie so why do I care? I’m happy with my bookmarks. Here’s the link so you can see my name – just click on the first “confira aqui os vencedores”. I’m so proud of me!!! 

Oh dear, I guess I wrote enough! Hope it won’t be too long until I’m back again!

 *hugs all*

I finally found some time away from everything else (everything else meaning the hospital) to spend in front of my computer. I know today is Friday, but Rodrigo is on call tonight so I’m taking this opportunity to catch up with everything. I’ve already uploaded my holidays’ pics, spent some good time at Immy and just finished reading about 80 posts from my flist. Lj wouldn’t let me finish my update because it stopped showing the “previous 20” button - should I go to archive or memories to read older posts??? I’m happy everyone is well and I loved reading everyone’s news. After all this time I should have some of my own to give you…

I started at the hospital on Feb 1^st, but I didn’t work during carnival – instead I’ll be on call during the entire holly week. I’m now at the infectious disease ward and I can’t describe how much I’m enjoying it. Even though we have some really sick kids there, everything seems to work – which is a miracle considering that I work in a public hospital.

The ward is kind of empty right now because we’re out of “chicken pox season”, but there’s still a lot to do. I’ve been busy with a one-year-old boy who’s been really, really sick for the last four weeks and I’m so involved with his story that I even cried this morning because of him. But it was a good cry, don’t worry. I’ve been in charge of him for the last two weeks but on these last days, when I was starting to loose my faith on his chances of beating his disease, he proved me wrong and started to recover last night. I was so happy so almost everyone saw me crying. My attendant came to me and explained how we can never loose our hope on a child as they can always surprise us when it comes to recovery. Now we’re already talking about discharging my little boy!!!

My carnival was relaxing. We went to Rodrigo’s parents on the countryside and it rained all the time. I ate, I slept, I read and that was all.

About the wedding plans… hmmm… No good news, there are. I’ve been telling my friends lately that until Feb 1^st I believed I would adjust residency to my life, but since then I realized actually I’ll have to adjust my life to this residency. My initial plan for a open wedding on June was murdered by the fact that I won’t have my holidays next year during this time. Did I actually think I would be able to CHOOSE my holiday period???? Stupid intern! The other perhaps is that I won’t have time to plan a wedding working 70 hours a week AND living 1000km away from where it’s suppose to be hold. So all I’ll be able to do right now is have some patience and see how long Rodrigo will wait for me…

Now some fun news: I won a HP contest! And a national one, trés chic! Actually I didn’t win, I took 4^th place but I still got prizes: a HP DVD box, a t-shirt, a bag and some bookmarks. The first prize was a trip to England to visit the HBP movie set. But why would I want that anyway? Sirius won’t be on that movie so why do I care? I’m happy with my bookmarks. Here’s the link so you can see my name – just click on the first “confira aqui os vencedores”. I’m so proud of me!!!

Oh dear, I guess I wrote enough! Hope it won’t be too long until I’m back again!

*hugs all*

This is for Beck (

bemkah

 I finally finished writing/ addressing/ stamping all my holiday cards and tomorrow morning they'll be on the mail. Inspired on some crafty immeritans I tried to make the cards myself, but pfff... Not only they'd be ready only by next year's Xmas but I found out I'm not crafty at all. Still, some (few) will be receiving my handmade cards.

I was talking to Rodrigo about Christmas songs and found out that his family never had the tradition of listening to them. They are the total opposite of my family who are all Christmas carols maniacs. Somehow we lost our (only) favorite holiday cd, so this year we went mad and bought four, plus the ones I received from the Immy swap. I think we're well served now. 

So, as Rodrigo never had the jolly experience of a soundtrack during the holidays preps, I decided to start our own tradition and decorate my apt together, listening to my lovely new songs. But after bringing down the boxes, I remembered: stupid me forgot ALL six brand new cds at my parents house! *headdesk* Having two homes is too much for my head, I tell you.

No, problem. I just ordered the seventh cd and it should be arriving tomorrow, so our first Christmas decoration won't be ruined by any boring silence.

I still haven't tasted the sherbet lemon. Shame on me, I know. We were out all day on Sunday and kinda forgot about it. 

I don't think I wrote here the latest news on my residency. I was approved at the school hospital after all. Seems that I wasn't the only one who thought their exam terribly difficult. But this time I'm not that well classified like at the children's hospital, so my chances of getting in are depending on my cv score. Let's see how it goes. I'm thinking positive!!!

There are many things in the HP books which I'm not familiar with. Sherbet lemon is one of them. I never had it in my life and everytime I see something about Dumbledore's adoration for this candy, it makes me curious of what it tastes like.

Well, those days of curiosity are now over. 

I arrived home yesterday and Rodrigo gave me the tea that the lovely Dexy and Kat had sent me and inside Kat's envelope there was A SHERBET LEMON!!!

I swear I started giving little jumps around the room, so happy I was. Bf didn't get it until I explained it to him. He joined me in the excitement - he never read the books but he loves DD - so we agreed we would taste the candy together, today after luch for desert!!! Aaaahhh, can't wait!!!

I'll let you know later how it was!

This is the first day of my summer holidays and the first one I´m having in four years!!! 
Residency programs starts on Feb 1st, so I have until then to do whatever I want! I totally forgot what that felt like... My right shoulder hurts already, since I´ve tried to compensate an entire month of computer absence in one afternoon.

Yesterday I took my last exam, the one for the School Hospital which was my first choice. But that one didn´t have a happy ending. The test was way more difficult and longer than the others, so when I checked my score I wasn´t surprised of how terrible it was.

No problem at all! I already wiped my tears away and since I was already approved in another hospital, I don´t have any reason to complain. Just to be thankful for!
I missed everyone here. You´ll be seen me around more often from now on!!!

*huggles*

This is the first day of my summer holidays and the first one I´m having in four years!!! 

Residency programs starts on Feb 1st, so I have until then to do whatever I want! I totally forgot what that felt like... My right shoulder hurts already, since I´ve tried to compensate an entire month of computer absence in one afternoon.

Yesterday I took my last exam, the one for the School Hospital which was my first choice. But that one didn´t have a happy ending. The test was way more difficult and longer than the others, so when I checked my score I wasn´t surprised of how terrible it was. 

No problem at all! I already wiped my tears away and since I was already approved in another hospital, I don´t have any reason to complain. Just to be thankful for!

I missed everyone here. You´ll be seen me around more often from now on!!!

*huggles*

Since I believe I've been good and very studious during the last days, I'm allowing myself to post something here and on Immy - btw, yay for the forums being back!!

I have good news! I was approved on the Children's Hospital for the paediatric's residency! I'm so excited, got the news yesterday! I still have to go through a curriculum analysis but I'm not really worried because my cv is quite good. I worked like crazy on researches during my graduation and finally all that hard work will pay me back!

Ah, Christmas is on the air, I can feel it! Decoration is everywhere and it started to rain. Our Xmas here are usually very wet, so for me the smell of rain always reminds me of the holidays! Can't wait for November 25th (last exam) to come and be able to start my Xmas shopping! And this time I have my Secret Santa on the list!

Talking about that, I have a question for you. I still don't know who my SS will be, but of course I'm already thinking about some gift possibilities. One of the ideas I had involved earrings... Near my hometown there are many artisans that make the most precious things with silver and semi-precious native stones, and also there are the indians work with seeds and golden grass, that are lovely and different for someone from a foreign country. But I was talking to my mum and she told me that wasn't such a good idea because, although 99,99% of Brazilian women have their ears pierced, that doesn't happen on other countries. So I'm risking earrings from my list, but I'd like to know from you -just for future reference and also curiosity- do you have your ears pierced?

I'll go first: I wear three earrings on each side (six holes total).

Now it's official:

BRAZIL - Host for the 2014 FIFA WORLD CUP!!!!

*waves Brazilian flag*
*starts 7-year-countdown*

 News? Not much!
I started weight watchers on Wednesday with a friend of mine. My goal is to loose 5kg and manage to keep it that way. I'm loving their method which is to eat the same or even more, but only food with less calories. My fingers are now crossed for an acceptable bikini body before summer arrives.
Speaking of summer, it finally rained here after one of the longest drought season we ever had. Although it was a storm which left more than 200.000 people without electricity and knocked down a few trees, I was still happy to see some water.
Speaking of rain my first exam is exactly in a week and exactly on my boyfriend's birthday. Imagine how happy he was when he found out? But we agreed we'll do something after and some of his friends are making him a barbecue party, so he won't be all lonely on his bday!
Speaking of barbecue I have one to go right now. I'll let you all know if the diet survived...

  So I did three subscriptions today, in two different hospitals and all for Radiology. My strategy will be applying for different specialties in different hospitals so I can postpone my decision to after the results are out - how brave am I?

Next week I'll subscribe in the city's children's hospital and on the week after, is the application period for the university hospital... I still haven't decided to what I'm applying there. Until four hours ago it was Opthalmology, but...

This afternoon I went to this school hospital, which is where I studied, to get a teacher's signature that I need for my CV. So while I'm walking through the corridors looking for him I run into one of my favorite teachers - a pediatrician, surprise! - and we're all hugs and "what's knew", then she asks me which specialty I had chosen and I say "pediatrics". 

I don't know why I said it? Everytime I hear this question my automatic answer is always "don't know" or "haven't decided yet". My teacher was so happy to hear it and started saying how wonderful and that I would be her intern... At that moment I was happy too, talking to her, looking around at the pediatrics floor convincing myself that I WILL be happy as a pediatrician.

But as soon I left the building the uncertainty came back. No matter how much I love the children, the work, the science and the teachers... I still have doubts about it. I swear, my hands are like ice and I'm feeling a pressure inside my heart just typing about this.

*deep breath*

Nevermind, I'll stick to the strategy and decide after Xmas. For now I should only study and not worry because if I don't pass in any hospital, there won't be any options to choose in the end! Duh! Go back to your books Tati!

Silly thing. I did something I always wanted to do but never managed because my hair was alway too short. I tied my hair in a knot!!! I feel so cool!!!

 Last weekend I went with my boyfriend to his parents town which is a touristic region with hills and waterfalls. I needed to cool down my head, so all books were left behind... they weren't missed!
On Saturday I went to the club so now I have a nice tan covering that stressfull pale skin I was showing. And on Sunday we went to a waterfall and I took my courage to dive on that icy water and swim until under the fall. It was renewing! I felt the water washing away all my problems and filling me with positive energies! It felt so great, I wish I could do this more often.
Now I'm back to the city and I have great news.
Yesterday we got the last result from my future-mother in law exams and it came negative. Now all she has to do is radiotherapy and the agony of waiting is gone.
I stopped having negative thoughts about pediatrics and I'm embracing what I true love. I must warn you that I tend to change my mind every week, so you may be reading something different on a future post!  But for now, I'm enjoying my unquestionable desire of being a pediatrician.

*hugs*